Saturday, February 1, 2014

The Tale of the Kuma [Round 2]

I have had a rat problem.

It's been a problem since I got back from New Zealand. It's different than the last few times I've dealt with these furry creatures because of the size and quantity. I've made jokes on Facebook recently about how I feel like I'm dealing with Ratigan from the Great Mouse Detective (please tell me you remember that movie. No? Go find a copy and watch it. You won't be disappointed.). These rats are huge. The biggest I've ever seen. They remind me of squirrels. Blech.

I put out rat poison like it's candy and those stinkin' rats eat it the way I eat dark chocolate. They devour it. Yet every morning since returning home I wake up to find clues that the rats have been throwing parties while I sleep. And I've been thinking for quite some time maybe they are slowly becoming immune to the poison.

Until this morning.

This morning I opened my bedroom door and there was the rat king himself. I knocked on the wall to scare him off.

He didn't move.

I took off my flip-flop and threw it at him.

He didn't move.

I put on my glasses and watched his little whiskers twitch. 

He was still alive, but seemed perfectly content just chillin' in the middle of the floor. 

(Why didn't he move? I can only suspect that the rat poison was doing it's job.)

I don't think so, buddy. Getouttamyhouse.

I didn't sign up to have roommates in the Peace Corps and I'm not going to start now.

So I ran as fast as I could into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. I took a big gulp and then asked myself outloud "What am I going to do?" Then made a bunch of ohmygoodnessthisissogross noises.

I set the glass back down on the counter and looked over at the empty plate of rat poison.

Only it wasn't empty.

The rat king had a friend.
He looked the same as the rat king only no twitching whiskers.
This guy was already gone.

"You've GOT to be kidding me."

I thought about my options at 7am: I could a) walk to my neighbors and look like the pathetic almost 30-year-old who can't take care of this herself or b) I could toughen up and figure this out on my own.

 I chose b.

I got a large bag and swept the rat king and his buddy into it, walked across the school yard, picked up a huge rock and threw it at the bag. Repeatedly. That might be a little graphic for you. Sorry. But I had to guarantee that they weren't going to come back. Hey. At least I didn't include pictures in this post. 

Now let's hope I'm rat-free for a little bit. 

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